Funny Degrassi Skits With No Point
by NerdGangsta
Summary: These are just random Degrassi skits I do when I'm bored. They are really jacked up and make no sense but that is their whole point. I got tired of reading stupid love stories so I decided...mix it up a bit. Hope you enjoy!
1. Clare vs Fitz part 1

NerdGangsta presents…

_**CLARE VS. FITZ PART 1**_

Setting- The Dot

( Clare, Eli, and Adam are sitting at a table and Fitz comes up to them )

Eli- Go away

Clare- No! He's my second boyfriend.

Eli- What!

Clare- Don't take it personally but you are becoming more of a good guy and I need a BAD guy in my life,

Eli- Fine! I guess we are over.

Clare- No! I want to date both of you.

Eli- You can't date both of us.

Fitz- Then I guess I'll have to get rid of the competition

( Fitz pulls out a knife )

Adam- Thanks Fitz! I needed that.

( Adam grabbed the knife from Fitz and started cutting up his apple )

Fitz- Um…May I have that back?

( He looks at Adam and shakes his head )

Adam- Oh….Sure!

( Adam gives the knife back to Fitz )

( Fitz comes at Eli with the knife)

( Eli gives Adam a confused look )

Eli- Can I borrow that for a second

Fitz- Um….Sure?

( Fitz give Eli the knife and Eli stabs Adam in the head)

Adam- Ow! What was that for?

Eli- For being stupid

Adam- That is no reason to stab me in the head

Eli- Well I'm sorry…Friends?

Adam- Friends.

( Adam gets up with the knife still stuck in his head )

Adam- Well I'm going to the hospital now, see you guys at school!

Fitz- Wait! My knife.

Adam- Oh well, I give it to you tomorrow.

Fitz- Just make sure it doesn't have any blood on it.

Adam- OK, bye.

Eli, Fitz, Clare- Bye

( Adam leaves )

Eli- You need therapy

Fitz- No I don't!

( Fitz's phone rings and he answers it )

Fitz's Mommy- Mark, sweetie, I have decided to sign you up for therapy.

Fitz- Mom!

Eli- Told you

Fitz- OK, when do I start?

Fitz's Mommy- Right now, so come home and clean up yourself.

Fitz- Mom!

Fitz's Mommy- You heard me!

Fitz- Fine.

( Fitz hangs up )

Eli- Have fun in therapy! J

Fitz- Mnah!

( Fitz leaves )

Clare- So…..wanna make out?

Eli- Why?

Clare- I'm bored.

Eli- Ok

( Eli and Clare make out )

**NEXT DAY**

Setting- Degrassi

( Eli is at his locker )

( Fitz skips down the hallway like a little girl )

Fitz- La, La, La, La, La, La, La

( Fitz come up to Eli )

Fitz- Hey BFF!

Eli- Hi…

( Awkward silence )

Eli- Have fun in therapy?

Fitz- Yea! We all learned that happiness is the best thing in life!

Eli- Ok….

( More awkward silence )

Eli- Are you like….gay or something?

Fitz- Isn't it obvious

Eli- Um…..

Fitz- And while in therapy I have suddenly gained these strong feelings Eli.

Eli- I'm not gay.

Fitz- Not yet…

Eli- Aren't you going out with Clare?

Fitz- That reminds me, I have to tell her that I have become gay and can no longer be with her.

Eli-So does this mean Clare belongs to me now?

Fitz- She is all yours...well….not until we are dating though.

Eli- Fitz, I told you, I'm not gay.

Fitz- Not yet….

( Fitz walks over to Clare )

Fitz- Clare….I have just recently became gay and I don't think I should be with you.

Clare- What are you saying?

Fitz- How do I put this in a nice way…..I'm dumping you.

Clare- Fine! I guess I belong to Eli.

Fitz- No! I will belong to Eli.

( Fitz goes up to Eli and kisses him )

Eli- Dude! What are you doing? I told you I'm not gay!

Fitz- Not yet…..

Clare- Go away Fitz! No one likes you!

( Fitz starts crying )

Fitz- How could you say that Clare! I thought you were my friend.

Clare- I was until you dumped me and kissed my other boyfriend!

( Adam is standing beside Eli and watching the whole thing )

Adam- I need me some popcorn this is the best entertainment I've had all week.

( Eli randomly pulls popcorn out of is pocket and gives Adam the popcorn )

( Fitz try's to hit Clare but missed and hit the popcorn out of Adam's hand )

Adam- Hey! I was gonna eat that!

( Clare runs at Fitz with full force and jumps and his back )

( They start fighting but then a teacher came up to them and split them up)

Fitz- This isn't over! Eli will be mine!

Clare- You wish!


	2. Clare vs Fitz part 2

NerdGangsta presents…

_**CLARE VS. FITZ PART 2**_

Setting- Degrassi

( Eli is walking in the hallway and Fitz comes up to him )

Fitz- Hey sexy

Eli- Dude, I told you, I'm not gay.

Fitz- Not yet….

Eli- Stop saying that!

( Clare walks up to Eli and Fitz )

Clare- Get away from my boyfriend you fag.

( Fitz starts to cry and runs away )

Eli- Finally, he's gone

Clare- I hate gays like him

( Riley hears Clare and walks up to her )

Riley- You making fun of gays?

Clare- Yeah, so what? You're a gay just like him, so why should I care about your feelings?

Riley- I suppose you shut your mouth little missy!

Clare- What are you gonna do if I don't, cause I doubt you would hit a girl.

Riley- I don't care if you're a girl. You are SO gonna get it.

Eli- Dude, she is just mad, so take your gay self out of here.

( Riley punches Eli and gets up in Clare's face )

Clare- Boy, you better get outta my face or I will go Gangsta on you ass!

( Eli gets up )

Clare- Eli your alive!

Eli- I was never dead, stupid. Anyways Riley I suppose you take your gay ass out of here before I kick it out.

Riley- You better shut that mouth of yours or your gonna be wishing you were dead!

Eli- Listen dude, I gotta get to class. Friends?

Riley- Friends.

( Eli, Clare, and Riley all hug )

Crowd- Awwww!

( Adam randomly appears )

Adam- I wanna hug!

( Adam joins group hug )

( Everyone goes to class )

_**Later…**_

Setting- The Dot

( Fitz comes up to Eli )

Fitz- Your looking rather hot today.

Eli- For the millionth time, I'M NOT GAY!

Fitz- Not yet…

Eli- I give up! Fine, I will be gay for you my love

Clare- Noooooo! You can't be gay Eli!

Eli- I don't know what to do! My life is so confusing! It seems like everyone likes me these days! I even sometimes have screaming fan girls chasing me calling me Munro. Who the hell is Munro!

Clare- I don't know.

Eli- Sometimes I even think Adam is starting to like me!

( Everyone looks at Adam and he is staring at Eli with this weird "In love" glare. )

Eli- See what I mean!

Fitz- Well…you are hot.

Eli- STOP IT! I'M NOT GAY!

Fitz- Gosh, sorry! Am I not aloud to have an opinion?

Clare- No, no you are not.

Fitz- Fine!

( Peter comes up and brings everyone there orders )

Peter- Here are you orders you guys…Oh, hey Eli.

( Peter gives Eli the same glare Adam gave him )

Eli- OH MY GRAVY!

( Peter quickly walks away )

( Fitz, Eli, Clare, and Adam start to have a normal everyday conversation )

Clare- Eli can I talk to you?

Eli- Sure.

Clare- Privately.

Eli- Ok?

( Clare pulls Eli away )

Clare- I have a plan to get Fitz in trouble.

Eli- What is it?

Clare- Watch and see.

( Clare walks over to Fitz )

Clare- Fitz, there is something I needed to tell you.

Fitz- What is it, Clare?

Clare- Mr. Simpson said he needed to see you in his office at 2 o' clock in the morning.

Fitz- Oh….OK!

Clare- Well…I have to get home…BYE!

( Clare zooms out of The Dot )

Eli- Me too.

Fitz- Me three

Adam- ME FOUR! Are we playing a counting game?

Eli- Sure…close your eyes and count all the way to 1 billion.

Adam- OK! 1,2,3,4,5,6.…..

Eli- See ya later Adam

Fitz- Yea bye

Adam- BYE! 17,18,19,20.…..

( Eli and Fitz leave and Adam is still counting )

_**2 o' clock in the morning…**_

Setting- Degrassi

( Fitz comes up to the front steps to Degrassi )

( He grabs the door and realizes its locked )

Fitz- Aw man. It's locked! Good thing I always carry a hammer!

( Fitz pulls a hammer out of his pocket and smashes the glass on the door )

( He then crawls threw the broken glass into the dark empty hallway )

Fitz- Mr. Simpson?….Mr. Simpson?

( Fitz walks down the hallway and into Mr. Simpsons office to find him sleeping with his wife in his office )

Fitz- Hi Mr. Simpson!

( Mr. Simpson wakes up )

Mr. Simpson- Fitz? What are you doing here?

Fitz- Clare said you wanted to see me…. Anyways why are you sleeping in your office?

Mr. Simpson- Because of Connor's gaming obsession, he accused Spike and I of being some kind of realm trolls that had taken over his house. So he decided to claim the house his territory by kicking us out….Wait why did Clare say I needed to see you?

Fitz- I don't know. She just said you needed to speak to me here at 2 o' clock in the morning.

Mr. Simpson- Great excuse Fitz, but I'm not buying it. You have detention for a month.

Fitz- No, really she actually told me that.

Mr. Simpson- Even if she did why did you believe her?

Fitz- You know what… I have no idea.

( Fitz walks towards the door )

Fitz- Well….See you tomorrow Mr. Simpson!

Mr. Simpson- You still have detention!

Fitz- No fair!

( Fitz walks out of the office and goes home while Mr. Simpson and Spike go back to sleep )

_**The Next Day…**_

Setting- Degrassi

( Fitz walks up to Clare )

Fitz- I cant believe it!

Clare- What?

Fitz- You lied to me! Mr. Simpson didn't need me!

Clare- Did you get in trouble?

Fitz- Yea, why?

Clare- Yay!

Fitz- Why do you hate me now, Clare?

Clare- Because you dumped me and now crushing on my boyfriend!

Fitz- Hey, it's not my fault Eli is extremely hot.

Clare- Stay away from Eli, Fitz. Stay. Away.

Fitz- No! You stay away! Eli Goldsworthy will be mine! Mine, I say, Mine!

Clare- And how do suppose that will happen?

Fitz- I have ways Clare Edwards, ways.

( Fitz then turns around and dramatically skipped down the hallway )


	3. Degrassi Song

**A/N: This is my favorite song of Degrassi ever! I DO NOT OWN THIS SONG! This song is by Lemon Demon and it is awesome! Hope you enjoy. Btw I do not know how to write a real A/N so I just put my words in bold print. And also I haven't put up a new Clare vs. Fitz cause I just broke up with my boyfriend and turns out he was happy we broke up cause he was interested in another girl. Next Saturday is our Homecoming dance and I'll be all alone. :'(**

**Well here is the song**

Once upon a time there was a school called Degrassi

And the children in attendance were all fat and sassy

Except for one little boy and his name was Rick

People pushed him around until he turned into a prick

And took a gun, took a gun, took a very big gun

To Degrassi to have himself a little bit of fun

And BANG shot Jimmy and pointed it at Emma

With Sean in the way, Oh what a big dilemma

But then Rick died and everything was fine

But Ashley's kinda freaking out cause Craig lost his mind

He proposed at a party with his puppy dog eyes

But Ashley refused and what a big surprise

When he cried like a baby and went back to his hotel

And fucked up the room and stuck Joey with the bill

Then he went to a wedding and acted like a whore

Then he kicked Joey's ass and cried a little more

Hey, remember back when Manny and J.T. were going out

And J.T. was doing good and then began to doubt

That his little stack of dimes couldn't measure up to Craig's

When he saw it in the locker room between Craig's legs

And in order to get him out of his romantic slump

Some black kid gave him a magic penis pump

Then Manny found out and to make matters worse

It turns out Mr. Raditch used it first

Well Paige got raped and Marco is gay

Spinner gets boners and farts all day

Toby is a dork and Liberty is too

Snakes got cancer up the wazoo

Sean's on his own and Ellie likes to cut

Alex is a bitch and Manny is a slut

Well Emma's kind of winy and Teri got hit

Hazel doesn't seem to do jack shit

Degrassi is my favorite thing

When the theme song plays I always have to sing

I hope that it never goes of the air

I'd even miss Spinner's hair


	4. Clare vs Fitz part 3

NerdGangsta presents…

_**CLARE VS. FITZ PART 3**_

Setting - Eli's House

( Eli is sitting on the couch watching _Degrassi )_

Eli - This show makes no sense. What's to point in this. Wait- What is he- No! No he's- No- Oh- That's just sick!

( Fitz breaks through Eli's window and roles into his living room )

( Eli turns around )

Eli - What the-

Fitz - Sorry about that, I just- I um- Well…I need to talk to you.

Eli - You know I have a door, right?

Fitz - Yeah, but I thought breaking through your window would be more fun.

Eli - Fitz, if you're here to tell me you love me….Well, I'm sorry but, I'm not gay. I never will be….

( Things get very intense in the room )

( Fitz starts to cry, like a little fangirl who thought Eli got stabbed during Vegas Night )

Fitz - NO! Why is this happening to me! Why did I have to go to therapy and become gay! I love you too much Eli, and it makes me sad that you don't feel the same way.

( Eli starts to feel guilty )

Eli - Fine, I give. I'll go out with you….for a little while.

( Fitz jumps up in the air screaming, like a little fangirl that just realized Eli didn't really get stabbed on Vegas Night )

Fitz - YES! YES! YES! I'M A WINNER! Wait- What about Clare?

Eli - I can date both of you.

Fitz - Wouldn't that be cheating?

Eli - She dated both of us at the same time.

Fitz - Touché

( Fitz runs up to Eli and presses his lips against his own )

( The emo and the nutcase make out for about 5 minutes or so )

Fitz - Your mouth…it tastes like….bubble gum.

Eli - Your mouth….it tastes like….peanut butter.

Fitz - That's 'cause I ate a PB&J on the way over here.

( The two weirdoes continue to make out on Eli's couch )

_**MEANWHILE AT CLARE'S HOUSE**_

( Clare is jumping on her bed singing _Your Love Is My Drug )_

( Alli is painting her nails pink )

Clare - YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE, IS MY DRUG! YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOVE!

Alli - Will you shut up already!

Clare - Nope!

Alli - Ugh!

( Clare continues to sing )

Alli - You know if you love Ke$ha SO much, why don't you become just like her?

Clare - Because I'm a good Christian girl who always does the right thing! I am so perfect in every way. That's why people call me a Mary-Sue.

Alli - Why don't we have some fun for once?

( Clare stops jumping up and down and turns off the music )

Clare - I can have fun!

Alli - Oh really?

Clare - Yeah, lets go dress like Ke$ha!

Alli - Are you serious?

Clare - You said we should go have fun!

( Alli gives Clare a confused look )

Alli - Okay, who are you, and what have you done with Clare?

Clare - I just want to show off my _wild side._

Alli - You? A wild side? Very funny.

Clare - Common! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Alli - No

Clare - Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Alli - No. N-O, NO!

Clare - !

Alli - Fine, fine, fine!

Clare - Yaaaaaayyyy!

( Clare jumps in the air screaming, like a little fangirl whenever they see Eli )

Alli - Okay, lets go!

( Alli grabs Clare's arm and they go to the mall )

_**MEANWHILE AT THE TORRES HOUSE**_

( Adam is playing video games while Drew is doing his hair )

Adam - DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!

( Drew stares in the mirror )

Drew- Well, hello there. Aren't you a handsome devil.

Adam - You are so self-centered.

Drew - I am not! I may be extremely hot and look like Taylor Lautner, but I am not self-centered.

Adam - Whatever….

Drew - You know, you REALLY need a girlfriend.

Adam - I do not- Well…

Drew - Do you want me to help you?

Adam - Yes, please! You are a beautiful god that I worship and absolutely love!

Drew - Really?

Adam - No, you're an ugly moron.

Drew - !

Adam - But, can you still help me?

Drew - I don't know CAN I?

Adam - You know what I mean…..

Drew - Fine, I'll help you.

Adam - Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

( Adam jumps in the air yelling, like a little fangirl every time they see Eclare )

Drew - Ok, first lesson. Don't do that….Ever again.

Adam - Yes sir!

( Adam solutes and Drew roles his eyes )

Drew- Second, we are going shopping. Your clothes suck. What kind of girl would want to be seen with I guy that wears beanies and button down jackets with a t-shirt underneath?

Adam - I don't know.

Drew - Exactly, NONE!

Adam - So, I'm getting new clothes?

Drew - You sure are! We'll go to the mall later on, k?

Adam - K!

Drew - Lastly, no more comics or video games.

Adam - WHY?

Drew - Because they're for nerds, geeks, and nobodys.

Adam - But I'm not a nerd, geek, or nobody.

Drew - Exactly. You are not any of those, so you shall no longer read comics or play video games. I don't even know why Eli plays them. Is he gay or something?

Adam - NO! He has a girlfriend, duh!

Drew - I still think he's gay. I bet he is making out with Fitz right now.

Adam - Yeah right!

_**MEANWHILE AT ELI'S HOUSE**_

( Eli is making out with Fitz on the couch )

Eli - Your mouth still tastes like peanut butter.

Fitz - I know.

Eli - I just remembered I got to pick up the new Halo game for Adam! Wanna come with?

Fitz - Why not.

( The two morons get up and get in Morty )

Fitz - Your hearse, it's so…it's so….Cozy.

Eli - Sure is.

Fitz - You and Clare didn't have sex in here, right?

Eli - Well….

Fitz - Ewwwwwww!

Eli - Kidding!

Fitz - Phew! I thought you were serious!

( Eli smiles and starts to drive to the mall…while also running over a puppy in the process )

**A/N: Okay, I know I haven't updated this story in like a billion years, but I have a good reason! No, I don't, I just got lazy. So I decided to make this chapter longer than usual just for you guy's benefit. Soooooooooooooooooo**

**Fitz and Eli are dating!**

**Clare wants to show off her "wild side".**

**Alli painted her nails pink!**

**Drew is teaching Adam the ways of a player.**

**And everyone is going to the mall!**

**The next chapter includes Dora video games, secrets, sparkly tops, and coconut milkshakes.**

**The chapter after that includes surprises, confessions, and Adam's magical popcorn.**

**Now, I know you all are going to click the magical blue button and tell me I'm a comic genius. Click it, you heard me, CLICK IT! **


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